“Am I really
searching to gain and expand the notion that I am open-minded? Or am I only
gathering evidence to support existing beliefs that I am open-minded? I am actually
only conforming to the non-conforming.
-Jorgen Olsen-
I have always thought of myself as an
open-minded person with open-minded views. I have always tried to welcome new
ideas as well as other points of view. I thought I was an “out-of-the-box” type
person. I tried to oppose the norm and the status quo of things, always searching
for something new and different in my approach to handling my personal problems
or other issues that affected me.
When
I first started exploring what I believe in and the impact these beliefs have on
my life and others, it was really amazing to see that what I perceived as open-minded
and out-of-the-box were really just inside another box. The difference was that
this box was called non-conformity, and it didn’t fit into the majority’s viewpoint.
Or does it? How many times have you said, “I am an open-minded person”?
As
I pointed out in an earlier blog post, there is in every life an occurrence,
and this “what happened moment” makes you question what happened and why. Then
we create a story and a belief about ourselves that answers and supports this
question of why and what happened (i.e. good, bad, right, or wrong). This is
where we begin to gather evidence to support our new belief, which then becomes
the foundation of our lives that later comes into play as the reality of our
present life. The good and bad times are somewhat the bipolarity of our
existence and are based solely on what is now this new belief. I look at this
belief as if it were a computer that first started as a simple binary code
program of 01 001 110 and then upgraded to DOS, to 46 years later becoming a more complex program
of Jorgen 47.6.
The layering of
these beliefs begins as we search throughout our lives to gather support and
validation of our newly found identity and perceptions that we call our
beliefs. The continuation of this blog is not about these core beliefs that
seem to make our lives so filled with drama and excitement. Instead, it is an
inquiry into the subtle beliefs or little innuendos that are a bit harder to
catch that really drive the everyday experience. They are more of a practice in
being mindful to what is around us, as well as the noise that happens between
our ears and the study of self (which is more of a Buddhist-based practice).
There
are beliefs that are very easy to flush out and some that are not so easy. For example,
what if I asked you what your view (aka ‘belief’) is on God. I would quickly
discover your viewpoint, understanding, and what you think will likely happen
to us after death. If I were to ask what makes you happy, you could tell me
without hesitation about a certain person or act, perhaps an expectation of a
gift from another or from yourself. What creates this happiness is our relation
to our beliefs. I am not suggesting that these things really do or do not make you
happy… I am merely suggesting that you are attached to this idea of happiness
through your beliefs that make-up part of your identity. However, it might be
possible that these very same subtle beliefs are somewhat responsible not only
for your happiness, but also for your discontent.
I should also add
that it is not likely to change these beliefs solely through discussion because
“we” or “I” am very attached to these beliefs. For me, it takes questioning and
actually making an attempt to shake them out (the “belief shake-down”). Most
beliefs that run our days and nights are a little more difficult to expose
because they are disguised in our everyday language. It is also the very
dialogue and unspoken understanding of the language. When someone gives us a
compliment and we shy away or when we have a nervous tone when we try to stand
up for ourselves, this would be an
example of a subtle belief.
One of the largest
components to this is the complaints we have. I want to look at this for a moment
since some of these complaints are directed inward and some are directed outward.
Complaints can be about others hurting us physically or emotionally, both
intentionally or unintentionally. They can be about work, a coworker, going to
the gym, traffic, or just getting out of bed when you're still tired. That
moment when you do something and ask yourself why, you can often think, “Why
did I do that? How can I be so stupid?” Then the dialogue for the interpretation
of what happened and why, are based on your beliefs. “What did I do wrong? Why
does this keep happening to me?” Sometimes these complaints are so general we
don’t even understand what they are… “Life is so unfair!” Whatever your
complaint is about yourself, others, your life, or the world, they are the makeup
of your beliefs, judgments, and opinions. What about life is unfair? What was
it that you did that was stupid? It’s not so much about answering the question
at this point. It is simply a way to sit with these little sarcasms, innuendos,
and jabs at yourself or others. If at all possible, look at the inner dialogue
instead of taking it outward. I know this because I didn't have appreciation,
respect, or love for myself. I also didn't treat others very well, or at least
not as well as I would want to expect from myself.
Exposing
your judgments and beliefs will sometimes take you to a place where you feel
entitled or want to make excuses to defend your position. This is where we
don’t want to let go of judgments and beliefs. After this process, you will
find your identity, or what some call the ego. If I’m wrong about this or that,
what happens? This is who I am, and if I don’t know who I am and I challenge
this, I have a crisis on my hands of identity. My identity does not want to die!
At the very least, exposing these judgments, opinions, and beliefs can help me see
where I am being held back.
Notice you the small-talk
with your self-complaints about others, unfair situations, and the difficulties
in your life. I personally notice that I constantly complain about many
different things. However, I now notice them and can see that they
are complaints. This then turns into something I can challenge. The question
is, are you in control of your thoughts, beliefs, judgments, and opinions? Or
are you just along for the ride?
